This adventure began at the end of December when I left NY in an attempt to drive south west and live out of my 1989 VW bus, named Fiona.
Although I had imagined the road isn't always going to be smooth and anticipated the occasional repair I soon learned that a 27 years old car needs constant maintenance and my budget has been shrinking rapidly....
Now I am in New Orleans, Fiona is in the shop with a coolant leakage issue just a few days after leaving another shop, back in FL with a new exhaust and fuel pump and I am devastated. Even though I am lucky to be blessed with a temporary shelter provided by a friend of a friend who I have never met, a FB connection that led to an offer to stay in his space while he is gone to perform in NYC, I am having a hard time shaking off this cloud.
The last couple of days have been grey and rainy, a perfect setting for the melancholic mood I have been in, with my Fiona in the shop and the feeling of helplessness and fear of what's to come. The cost of the repairs is biting deep into my pocket and the fear that accompany the impermanence is real. What if I can't make it to Oaxaca? What if the car breaks down on the road in north Mexico? What if I can't afford making it back? What if ? What if?
I force myself out of the dark bedroom to take an alignment yoga class, the teacher reminds us, as if she is reading my mind, to breath through the sadness and the feelings of depression and heaviness, I count my inhales and exhales and slowly open to the present and my mat.
My body is loving the stretch and my soul is thankful for the momentary awakening, I notice the story line returns and that I am holding my breath, so I let it go with a long exhale and a rush of heat goes through my head.
I am so blessed to have a shelter over my head, a bed to sleep in, a kitchen to prepare my meals, while my home is being repaired, and New Orleans, even in the rain, ain't such a bad place to be stuck in.